The first time I saw my hubby, I knew he is the One for me. Took me efforts to woo him. It was love at first sight.
Many people don't believe, not even my hubby.
Few months later, In 2007 we finally got together. However, I got cancer. Cancer turned my life upside down.
I had to stop my studies, my grandma pass away not long ago. My courtship just started. I didn't know if my boyfriend will leave me because I turned fat, turned ugly. Steroids or chemo made me bald, made me grumpy, made me very vulnerable. Even too much sunshine.. could cause me harm. My body not only broke down, so did my heart and mind.
Everyday, needles poke me in and out. There was once, a needle even broke. And all I could do was cry in vain. There was another day, new doctors came to pin me down to draw my bone marrow. Many local anesthetic jabs were injected, but all I felt was humiliation and more pain. (No skills). In the end, my bone marrow was drawn successfully after 2/3 attempts.
My parents and boyfriend watch in pain. I see my father's tears. I see fear in their eyes.
Did I mention ? I'm pretty a coward when it comes to pain. My threshold is really low.
Since I had the best family support, love was in abundance for me.
The most horrible thing, was, realizing insurance agent MIA, insurances not paying?
No heart to handle all of these, my dad only wanted to concentrate his energy to take care of me. I guess my bills overall still cost some tens of thousands in cash. 2 years of not being able to work, also caused me to be one step behind in career than most peers. Sometimes, I would be really depressed. Some days I cried and attempt to escape from hospital.
Everyday, I lie in bed since I started treatment, like a good for nothing. But I was too weak. I cannot even cook for myself. Not because I am bedridden, but because I lost my sense of smell and taste at times. My family and I are worried I forget to off the cooker. Some days, when I'm left home alone. I even felt a sense of relief "oh my finally they are not stopping their awesome lives because of the sick me. "
In 2008 boyfriend and I celebrated our first dating anniversary together. I survived my many chemo, many nauseous nights, many radiotherapy. My hair started growing back. My arms were left with injection scars. Probably the chemo or the countless injections (failed and successful ones), turned my arms purplish from then on. I suppose that's call poor blood circulation.
Years followed after I recovered from cancer. During a trip to Taiwan, not only did many ostracize me due to me being bald looking like ET with my newly grown out hair, but they also felt I'm an alien without brows and few lashes. But I couldn't stand the wig. It deterred me from having more fun. At 101, I lost my way as the toilet had many exits. Hubby and me kept missing each other. Hours passed. Security, travelers, Taiwanese, nobody willing to borrow me a phone. I could still vaguely remember all their stares and gossiping. They wouldn't even want to announce that I'm lost with my husband because, I'm an adult??
When I found husband finally, we hug in tears of joy. Lesson learnt thereafter, even when I go toilet, I will bring a phone at least.
In 2012, we got married alas. To us, marriage is but a piece of paper. I didn't need much. I just want a simple wedding where our families are present. Memories were more important than lavish weddings. I'm really glad my husband has never left me despite all the ups n downs. Your faith could be drowned when waves keep coming your way. But his love, taught me Alot.
Not a man of many words, but every little actions tells. I'm really proud of my hubby. I think anyone would. He takes care of everything. From staying in hospital sofa until doctors recognize him, to cleaning my wounds that even my parents didn't dared to, to helping me inject medication, to taking care of me, for the entire life.
In 2013, I decided to be a mummy. I got pregnant easily. But Never did I expect to know that my previous cancer treatment, actually caused me to be less fertile. I got to know this after I got pregnant (yea I really didn't research, just thought wait a few years then try for baby ).
I spent most of my months in bed, bed resting. Almost every night I couldn't fall asleep, just couldn't, sometimes due to migraines. But I hanged on. My lovely child was born. Today I'm a proud mummy. Chloe has been really smart, adorable and filial.
In 2015, I remember an (ex)boss at work, asked me why I had to remove my jacket in this air condition office? My arms look as if I were punched?? Did my hubby bully me?
I almost broke down. As a girl, no matter how tough , how rough I am, I guess no woman wants to be criticized this way, I replied: I had cancer. These are my warrior marks jokingly.
But I guess he either didn't understand or catch no ball. The questioning continued until his phone rang. And my embarrassment ended.
Many a times, I ask myself, why? Why do cancer patients need to face judgement in work skills, in looks and etc.
But all these, just got me going stronger. I may be lower in energy, I may want to slack at home watching my dramas or playing with my daughter all day long, people who knows me knows, I rather live my life slower, happier, the way I want. I don't need million dollars (good to have though), but I would rather enjoy the peace and simple happiness that money cannot buy. I left the bank industry alas because I needed a slower pace life.
I joined AIA. Things weren't smooth at all. I learnt everything from scratch. Many things I presumed became nightmares. Many a times, I asked myself. How? Carry on?
Well, I started falling sick, I even miscarriaged twice. But I carried on. Just manage time more efficiently. I gave myself months of rest.
No sales?not enough sales? It's fine. I got a supportive family. But what the greedy me want, was of course to Chiong higher. So many times, I still got lost while trying to climb higher.
Why am I writing these?
Tmr, I'm going back to National cancer centre for my MRI. I'm suspected of brain tumor since about a month ago. Not by 1, but few doctors.
I would like to pen my thoughts down today, and tell my family, should tmr bring bad news, please let me go. I do not wish to be a financial burden again, nor coming out of a theatre as a vegetarian. If there's money, time and energy, spend it on Chloe. Call me selfish I don't care.
I haven't been a good mum. Most days, I just want to rest after work. When I finally decided I had to change my routine. Let go of my ambitious mind at work. My health decided to play tricks on me again.
I hope tmr will be a good day (ok I think results maybe out next week latest?)
No matter what come may, I hope my family, when they read this, my dear friends, please let them know, in life or death, I love my family most. I only want them to be happy. Should I leave one day on the surgery bed or even via accidents, it's ok. Be happy. Life goes on. Cry for a few days. Forget me not. But carry on your lives, help me take care of Chloe especially. Let my family know, I will watch over them no matter where I go.
Hubby and dad ever said, save the adult(me) first during both my pregnancies if anything happen to me. (Actually nothing will happen I didn't know why they worry). I got the 2 most loving men in the world that means everything to me.
Treasure your time with family. Hope I don't have to stay in hospital too long and spend our upcoming dating anniversary together love . N another holiday with my family !
Ps:
This post is to really tell u all no insurance / will , u only leave behind love. Sick also must think of $ 1st.
Most imptly, it is dedicated to my husband and dad . But to be kept secret for now.
Thank you all my friends from all walks of life. So much love!!! 😘😘😘💪💪💪
Many people don't believe, not even my hubby.
Few months later, In 2007 we finally got together. However, I got cancer. Cancer turned my life upside down.
I had to stop my studies, my grandma pass away not long ago. My courtship just started. I didn't know if my boyfriend will leave me because I turned fat, turned ugly. Steroids or chemo made me bald, made me grumpy, made me very vulnerable. Even too much sunshine.. could cause me harm. My body not only broke down, so did my heart and mind.
Everyday, needles poke me in and out. There was once, a needle even broke. And all I could do was cry in vain. There was another day, new doctors came to pin me down to draw my bone marrow. Many local anesthetic jabs were injected, but all I felt was humiliation and more pain. (No skills). In the end, my bone marrow was drawn successfully after 2/3 attempts.
My parents and boyfriend watch in pain. I see my father's tears. I see fear in their eyes.
Did I mention ? I'm pretty a coward when it comes to pain. My threshold is really low.
Since I had the best family support, love was in abundance for me.
The most horrible thing, was, realizing insurance agent MIA, insurances not paying?
No heart to handle all of these, my dad only wanted to concentrate his energy to take care of me. I guess my bills overall still cost some tens of thousands in cash. 2 years of not being able to work, also caused me to be one step behind in career than most peers. Sometimes, I would be really depressed. Some days I cried and attempt to escape from hospital.
Everyday, I lie in bed since I started treatment, like a good for nothing. But I was too weak. I cannot even cook for myself. Not because I am bedridden, but because I lost my sense of smell and taste at times. My family and I are worried I forget to off the cooker. Some days, when I'm left home alone. I even felt a sense of relief "oh my finally they are not stopping their awesome lives because of the sick me. "
In 2008 boyfriend and I celebrated our first dating anniversary together. I survived my many chemo, many nauseous nights, many radiotherapy. My hair started growing back. My arms were left with injection scars. Probably the chemo or the countless injections (failed and successful ones), turned my arms purplish from then on. I suppose that's call poor blood circulation.
Years followed after I recovered from cancer. During a trip to Taiwan, not only did many ostracize me due to me being bald looking like ET with my newly grown out hair, but they also felt I'm an alien without brows and few lashes. But I couldn't stand the wig. It deterred me from having more fun. At 101, I lost my way as the toilet had many exits. Hubby and me kept missing each other. Hours passed. Security, travelers, Taiwanese, nobody willing to borrow me a phone. I could still vaguely remember all their stares and gossiping. They wouldn't even want to announce that I'm lost with my husband because, I'm an adult??
When I found husband finally, we hug in tears of joy. Lesson learnt thereafter, even when I go toilet, I will bring a phone at least.
In 2012, we got married alas. To us, marriage is but a piece of paper. I didn't need much. I just want a simple wedding where our families are present. Memories were more important than lavish weddings. I'm really glad my husband has never left me despite all the ups n downs. Your faith could be drowned when waves keep coming your way. But his love, taught me Alot.
Not a man of many words, but every little actions tells. I'm really proud of my hubby. I think anyone would. He takes care of everything. From staying in hospital sofa until doctors recognize him, to cleaning my wounds that even my parents didn't dared to, to helping me inject medication, to taking care of me, for the entire life.
In 2013, I decided to be a mummy. I got pregnant easily. But Never did I expect to know that my previous cancer treatment, actually caused me to be less fertile. I got to know this after I got pregnant (yea I really didn't research, just thought wait a few years then try for baby ).
I spent most of my months in bed, bed resting. Almost every night I couldn't fall asleep, just couldn't, sometimes due to migraines. But I hanged on. My lovely child was born. Today I'm a proud mummy. Chloe has been really smart, adorable and filial.
In 2015, I remember an (ex)boss at work, asked me why I had to remove my jacket in this air condition office? My arms look as if I were punched?? Did my hubby bully me?
I almost broke down. As a girl, no matter how tough , how rough I am, I guess no woman wants to be criticized this way, I replied: I had cancer. These are my warrior marks jokingly.
But I guess he either didn't understand or catch no ball. The questioning continued until his phone rang. And my embarrassment ended.
Many a times, I ask myself, why? Why do cancer patients need to face judgement in work skills, in looks and etc.
But all these, just got me going stronger. I may be lower in energy, I may want to slack at home watching my dramas or playing with my daughter all day long, people who knows me knows, I rather live my life slower, happier, the way I want. I don't need million dollars (good to have though), but I would rather enjoy the peace and simple happiness that money cannot buy. I left the bank industry alas because I needed a slower pace life.
I joined AIA. Things weren't smooth at all. I learnt everything from scratch. Many things I presumed became nightmares. Many a times, I asked myself. How? Carry on?
Well, I started falling sick, I even miscarriaged twice. But I carried on. Just manage time more efficiently. I gave myself months of rest.
No sales?not enough sales? It's fine. I got a supportive family. But what the greedy me want, was of course to Chiong higher. So many times, I still got lost while trying to climb higher.
Why am I writing these?
Tmr, I'm going back to National cancer centre for my MRI. I'm suspected of brain tumor since about a month ago. Not by 1, but few doctors.
I would like to pen my thoughts down today, and tell my family, should tmr bring bad news, please let me go. I do not wish to be a financial burden again, nor coming out of a theatre as a vegetarian. If there's money, time and energy, spend it on Chloe. Call me selfish I don't care.
I haven't been a good mum. Most days, I just want to rest after work. When I finally decided I had to change my routine. Let go of my ambitious mind at work. My health decided to play tricks on me again.
I hope tmr will be a good day (ok I think results maybe out next week latest?)
No matter what come may, I hope my family, when they read this, my dear friends, please let them know, in life or death, I love my family most. I only want them to be happy. Should I leave one day on the surgery bed or even via accidents, it's ok. Be happy. Life goes on. Cry for a few days. Forget me not. But carry on your lives, help me take care of Chloe especially. Let my family know, I will watch over them no matter where I go.
Hubby and dad ever said, save the adult(me) first during both my pregnancies if anything happen to me. (Actually nothing will happen I didn't know why they worry). I got the 2 most loving men in the world that means everything to me.
Treasure your time with family. Hope I don't have to stay in hospital too long and spend our upcoming dating anniversary together love . N another holiday with my family !
Ps:
This post is to really tell u all no insurance / will , u only leave behind love. Sick also must think of $ 1st.
Most imptly, it is dedicated to my husband and dad . But to be kept secret for now.
Thank you all my friends from all walks of life. So much love!!! 😘😘😘💪💪💪